She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
