I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
