he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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