Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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