I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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