Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
