Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
