dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
