so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
