at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
