glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
