So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
