I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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