Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
