That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
