turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
