I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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