whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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