i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
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when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
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