Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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