I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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