We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
