im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
