I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Alive.
So much puke
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
