I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
it glows. i had to have it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
