marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The struggles of a small town man whore
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
