did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
