dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize