what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
