Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
