How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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