i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
