sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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