last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
