I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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