based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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