i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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