dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
