Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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