Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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