Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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