Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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