it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
