...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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