I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
