To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
