Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
