wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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