Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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