Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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