Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
