i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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