Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
