Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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