At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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