wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
