i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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