I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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