I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
