Will you blow on my dice?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
