i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
