the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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