she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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