I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
