We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
