last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
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