I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
